Tuesday, July 14, 2009

New Seminars For Personal Growth

The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work

July 9th, 2009

ON TUESDAY - JULY 28 - AT 6:30 PM

Dr. Norman R. Wise, the director of Living Water Life Coaching and Counseling will be presenting the seven principles which make marriages work and practical advice in how to bring these principles into your marriage. Dr Wise will outline for couples the life principles that will make their marriage become restored and revived. This seminar is designed to give each couple a clear path to finding new and dynamic answers to the issues they face.

The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work Seminar will begin at 6:30 PM and end at 9:30 PM.

Call 954-452-4407 for more information and to register. The cost is $25 a person or $33 a couple. This could be the most important night you every invest in your making your marriage better!

July 7th, 2009

Dr. Norman Wise will be teaching his course “Control Your Anger Before It Controls You!” on Tuesday Nights beginning on July 14th. If you know that your anger has been hurting your relationships and your life then now is the time to learn the tools needed to gain control and manage your anger effectively. This is a skill that can be learned and mastered by anyone regardless of thier background or biology. Call 954-452-4407 to register today.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Remember That The World Is Filled With Good Actions


The modern media has a tendency to focus on the negatives of life. Because of this we sometimes feel over come with a feeling that our existence is only one of crisis and pain. This is not the whole story. The reality is that the world is filled with actions of love, compassion, caring, encouragement, mentorship, compaionship, sacrifical giving, and thankfulness. All of these positive moments are easily lost. As we lose these events we also have a tendency to lose hope. It is good for us to remember all the good and noble events that occur. We can also see in all of these wonderful moments evidence of God since the Spirit of the Divine is seen in every good deed.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What is your story?


Every person tells themselves a story. This story comes from our real core beliefs and world view. This will be the large "philosophy" of our life. It may well be related to our religious faith and our deepest convictions. But as Jim Loehr points out in The Power of Story these life stories control our personal experience of our worlds.
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One of the unique things about human beings is that we tell stories. Put ten people around a camp fire and within minutes they will tell stories. Stories that are funny. Stories that are scary. Stories that are thoughtful. Stories of our life. We will gossip and philosophize. In these stories we share ourselves and our views. In these stories we find community and meaning. These narratives help us know how we should feel, react, and respond. They are the lens through which we interpret the world and ourselves.
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The circumstances of our life are mute. They do not tell us anything. We have a flat tire, lose a job, have a loved one die, or suffer great abuse from one we loved. These events do not tell us anything but we give meaning to these event by the stories we tell about them.
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For example, there was a man who was a minister who was being put into the gas chambers in WWII and just before he went in, he turned and said; "There is no God". This became his story about the gas chambers. Another man who ran an orphanage in the Warsaw Gettho had to deal with the horrible day when the Nazis came to take his orphaned Jewish children to the gas chambers. The Nazis said he could go. But he said no. He said "I must go with my children so that the will see that God does not abandon them". For this man the gas chambers was an opportunity to demonstrate the faithfulness of God even in times of great evil caused by evil men. They were the same gas chambers. They were mute. They did not tell a story. But different men told different stories and intrepreted them differently based on the narratives that really ruled their hearts.
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How can we figure out what our story is? We must listen to our undisciplined "self talk". That constant inner world of words that we speak to ourselves daily. That is our narration on our lives and on the world.
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Some of us will have formal, cultural, or religious stories that we may outwardly say our the story of our lives because it is expected of us to hold so particular group of values, but in reality in our inner core there is an entirely different story. This story we tell ourselves day by day and it is this story that rules our lives, our words, our actions, and our attitudes.
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We can also catch our story when we tell it in an unguarded way. Around that camp fire we tell our story. In an intimate conversation with a friend we express our tale. In the safe environment of a counselors office we spill our guts. Then we begin to tell about the events of our life interpreted by the script we have chosen and written to make sense of our life. Sometimes it is only when we tell our story that we know of what our story really consist.
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Out of our stories comes feelings of depression, hope, anxiety, confidence, anger or inner peace. These emotional states are not created by the mute events and circumstances of our life. They are created by the words we choose to interpret them and give them meaning.
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For Christian we should interpret the world through the light of the radical intervention of the creator God in the Jesus the Messiah. We should see in his incarnation, death, burial, and resurrection a foundation for hope in God's restoration of the world and healing of suffering and evil. In light of this story we should see the moments of our personal lives connected to and reflections of this large divine drama. Such an interpretation means that there is purpose in the pain and God has not abandoned us even when we suffer. (See Who Gets to Narrate the World?: Contending for the Christian Story in an Age of Rivals by Robert E. Webber for more details on this)
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So what is your story? Do you want to change it? Only when we change our stories can we change our moods. That part of our emotional state that is not dependent on our biology come out of the stories we use to interpret our lives. The good news is we can choose a different story that leads to a better mental and emotional state. Through directed "self talk" we can reinforce this new story and see over time a significant change in how we feel and how we live.
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So what do you think? Do you need a new story?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Thoughts about anger and peace

Sources of Deep Anger

I hate who I am
I hate the family I was born into
I hate my body
I feel stupid
I have always been alone and no one understands me
I can trust no one
People have hurt me so bad that I will never recover from it
I have no luck but bad luck
My mistakes have so wounded my life that I have no hope of winning
No one loves me
I have been betrayed by everyone I trusted
Memories of my past drive me insane inside
My parents abandoned me
My parents abused me
I was sexually abused and raped
When I tell people I was hurt they do not believe me
People blame me for when they hurt me
I feel that I have no hope of happiness
I feel trapped in addiction with no way out
I have been treated unfairly my entire life


Notes




















Outline of a peaceful life

1. Begin the day with a good night’s rest whenever possible
2. Start the day with prayer, positive self talk, and journaling
3. If possible exercise some and have a good breakfast
4. Look for the positive and good things of each day as you live it
5. If stress or conflicts arise look for ways to “pause” it and seek to communicate in a healthy way.
6. At lunch take one minute to pray and one minute to give yourself positive self talk
7. Look for positive and good things in the afternoon
8. If stress or conflicts arise look for ways to “pause” it and seek to communicate in a healthy way.
9. On your way home review the good things.
10. Before you get out or your car take a deep breath, pray, and give yourself positive self talk. Be prepared to help and meet the needs of your family\
11. Before you go to sleep try to find about 30 minutes to relax and do something nice for yourself
12. End the day with prayer, positive self talk, and journaling

Help for a proud person

The Reading


NLT Psalm 30:1 A psalm of David, sung at the dedication of the Temple. I will praise you, LORD, for you have rescued me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me. 2 O LORD my God, I cried out to you for help, and you restored my health. 3 You brought me up from the grave, O LORD. You kept me from falling into the pit of death. 4 Sing to the LORD, all you godly ones! Praise his holy name. 5 His anger lasts for a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning. 6 When I was prosperous I said, "Nothing can stop me now!" 7 Your favor, O LORD, made me as secure as a mountain. Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered. 8 I cried out to you, O LORD. I begged the Lord for mercy, saying, 9 "What will you gain if I die, if I sink down into the grave? Can my dust praise you from the grave? Can it tell the world of your faithfulness? 10 Hear me, LORD, and have mercy on me. Help me, O LORD." 11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, 12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!


In this psalm we find a simple pattern. The psalmist is in trouble, he prayed about it, and got a dramatic answer from God that saved him from his trouble, and now he is dedicated to praise and worship of God. This type of psalm can be found in several psalms such as 18, 34,,40,50,66,116, and 130. This psalm is very personal. It apparently is a psalm of David that was sung after his death at the dedication of the Temple under Solomon.

We find here a parallel structure that is the characteristic of Hebrew poetry. This type of poetic structure is called chiasm. Chiasm is a literary structure used in the Torah, the Bible, as well as in other works. Concepts or ideas are placed in a special symmetric order or pattern to emphasize them.

Vs. 1. I will praise you, LORD, for you have rescued me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me

Vs. 11 & 12 11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, 12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!

This psalm is one of thanksgiving and praise. The reason for that there was a time of loss and mourning only which God amazingly turned into a time of blessing and joy. It would be what we would feel if suddenly we found the stock market at 40,000 and our income doubled. It would be as if the war in Iraq was over and all terrorists had laid down their weapons. Or perhaps if every person in our family that was sick was suddenly made physically whole and also all our lost relatives trusted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. We would have reason to be thankful. We all have enemies. Either people or events can be opposed to our plans, hopes, and dreams. Imagine how you would feel if all your “enemies” were defeated and you had total victory over everything that was not as you desired in your life. Would that give you joy?


We see the parallel structure also work out as we compare vs. 2 with vs. 10.

. 2 O LORD my God, I cried out to you for help, and you restored my health.

10 Hear me, LORD, and have mercy on me. Help me, O LORD."

Here we find the simple, direct, and passionate prayer that brought about this great deliverance. It was a “cry for help”. The Hebrew suggests it was loud “shout” to the heavens for help. There was no incantation or magic here. This prayer was simply a desperate man of faith in desperate need.

The comparison of thought continues in verses 3 &9

. 3 You brought me up from the grave, O LORD. You kept me from falling into the pit of death8 4 Sing to the LORD, all you godly ones! Praise his holy name.


8 I cried out to you, O LORD. I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,, 9 "What will you gain if I die, if I sink down into the grave? Can my dust praise you from the grave? Can it tell the world of your faithfulness?

The Old Testament people of God had less revelation about the after life than we have in the New Testament. The term “grave” here is SHEOL in which it appears that the person who died was in a shadowy existence in the inner parts of the earth. It appears the psalmist may have feared that he was lost and would be cut of from God forever. In SHEOL the psalmist would be cut off from God and unable to praise God for his faithfulness. What profit did God gain from having the psalmist die in sin and defeat? Compare this with Psalm 23 in which an afterlife of great joy is envisioned.

Here the psalmist is recalling his prayer for deliverance and how it came about. It reflects the fear of being lost and the joy of being saved.

The structured comparison of thought continues in verses 5 and 7.

5 His anger lasts for a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning

7 Your favor, O LORD, made me as secure as a mountain. Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered

These verses point out how fragile we are. Today we have the favor of God in what we do. We become proud and look at our success as coming from our own hands. God who gave us success can remove it in a moment. Our lives can be shattered because we stand by grace alone. Yet, when we humble ourselves in prayer the LORD is able to bring back our joy as quickly as it was taken away.

In the movie “God of War” which portrays the beginning of the civil war they have Stone Wall Jackson who had been victorious and unstoppable be humbled at the death of a little girl with whom he had made friends. Despite the best efforts of his personal surgeons the young girl died. As he reflects on her death he says “Everything is so fragile”. This is the insight that the psalmist is sharing as well.

The focal point and center of this psalm is verse 6.

6. When I was prosperous I said, "Nothing can stop me now!"

Here was the fault of the psalmist. The LORD’s favor had made him wildly successful. He seemed to be an unstoppable force. In the midst of his success he lost his daily humble dependence on the LORD and felt that he had things under control. The LORD resists the proud and helps the humble. We are all fragile, only dust, and need the breathe of God upon us to give us life and fruitfulness. Without the LORD we can do nothing.

What do we do when we cry out to the LORD in our defeat and desperation and the LORD does not deliver us or our loved ones from destruction and defeat? Can we trust the LORD in the dark of defeat, disease, and death? Can we wait for the victory of eternity to give us joy? This is yet another dimension of faith that has to be faced.


Christological - NLT Romans 5:6 When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners.


Moral - Never take success as something you are “due” or have “earned” it is by grace alone. It was given by grace and will only be maintained by grace. Run from pride and turn to the LORD in humble and needy faith.


Eternal - The promise of eternal life in Jesus Christ has allowed us who believe to never have to fear being cut off from God in SHEOL. Praise be the LORD.


Prayer - LORD HELP!


Contemplation - I resist the proud; but give grace to the humble.


Action: Pray for help and pray to be humble. Look inward to see if you have pride.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

How to express your anger in a healthy way

The Process of Healthy Expression of Anger by Dr. Norman R. Wise[1]

Goal: Learning to Express My Anger in a Mature Adult Manner & how to handle other people when they express their anger in an immature manner.

FOUNDATION: I want to use my anger in a mature and healthy way and do not want to abuse or be abused by anyone else. I value being healthy more than I value winning in the short term.

Step One: Know Your Anger & Keep Your Cool

1. Catch yourself at the early stages of Anger – BUILD AN INTERNAL RADAR.

If your anger would rate on a scale from 1-3 you’re irritated and need to take a pause to gain focus and control. THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO CONTROL AND GUIDE YOUR ANGER.

If your anger would rate on a scale from 4-6 you’re mad and in danger of thinking illogically and acting impulsively. STOP! GET TO A REST ROOM – WALK OUTSIDE – DO NOT CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION OR INTERACTION. BAD THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET WORST.

If your anger would rate on a scale from 7 to 10 it means you are in a rage. There is great danger that you will hurt yourself or others physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually, or religiously. STOP! STOP! STOP! – CALL YOUR SPONSER- DRIVE TO A CHURCH AND PRAY-GO TO A STARBUCKS- GET OUT OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND END WHATEVER IS MOTIVATING YOU TO CHOOSE TO GET ANGRY. STOP! STOP! STOP!


II. Keep yourself from reacting immediately in anger and give yourself time to think and relax. Few situations require immediate and thoughtless action or words. Slow down your reaction time. Spontaneous expression of anger is normally destructive and abusive.

III. Analyze your anger – Perhaps keep an anger journal to use to process your anger

Who or what has made you angry? What are my triggers?
Is this an issue over which you want to lose your cool and need to lose your cool for the good of everyone?
What is behind the anger? Is it frustration, fear, confusion, or a sense of needing to right an injustice
Is the intensity of your anger consistent with the cause of your anger? Are you angrier than the circumstances are justifying? What could be the reason for this?



IV. Give yourself three options and consider the short term and long term consequences of each.

Options
Short Term
Long Term
Let it pass – Love covers a multitude of sins – Not worth the energy and time. In prayer give it over to God to make right.


Respond with a forceful, elevated, but controlled anger
- The aim here is to stop abuse for everyone and gain a space where better solutions can be found.


Walk away to pause, process, and plan a response. Organize a safe and secure way to communicate your pain and the reason you were angry with the person who triggered it. In prayer ask for wisdom on how to express your hurt. Seek wise counsel if the issue is very difficult and complex.




V. Now respond in what you have considered to be the long term good of you and the other person. Respond as a reasonable, mature, and controlled adult. Be your most mature self in this situation.

VI. Remember that you acting as a mature adult does not control the other person. Each person is 100% responsible for how they speak and act. You may properly respond to this hurtful situation and the other person may continue to act in an abusive manner and even attack you for being healthy and mature. Do not allow the other person to tempt you to relapse into an abusive expression of anger. You win to the degree you act in a sane, stable, and spiritual manner regardless of how the other person reacts.

VII. Reward yourself for acting as a mature adult and expressing your anger in a healthy manner.

[1] This material is copyrighted and can only be used with the permission of the author. All rights are reserved.

How to express your anger in a healthy way

The Process of Healthy Expression of Anger by Dr. Norman R. Wise[1]

Goal: Learning to Express My Anger in a Mature Adult Manner & how to handle other people when they express their anger in an immature manner.

FOUNDATION: I want to use my anger in a mature and healthy way and do not want to abuse or be abused by anyone else. I value being healthy more than I value winning in the short term.

Step One: Know Your Anger & Keep Your Cool

1. Catch yourself at the early stages of Anger – BUILD AN INTERNAL RADAR.

If your anger would rate on a scale from 1-3 you’re irritated and need to take a pause to gain focus and control. THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO CONTROL AND GUIDE YOUR ANGER.

If your anger would rate on a scale from 4-6 you’re mad and in danger of thinking illogically and acting impulsively. STOP! GET TO A REST ROOM – WALK OUTSIDE – DO NOT CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION OR INTERACTION. BAD THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET WORST.

If your anger would rate on a scale from 7 to 10 it means you are in a rage. There is great danger that you will hurt yourself or others physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually, or religiously. STOP! STOP! STOP! – CALL YOUR SPONSER- DRIVE TO A CHURCH AND PRAY-GO TO A STARBUCKS- GET OUT OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND END WHATEVER IS MOTIVATING YOU TO CHOOSE TO GET ANGRY. STOP! STOP! STOP!


II. Keep yourself from reacting immediately in anger and give yourself time to think and relax. Few situations require immediate and thoughtless action or words. Slow down your reaction time. Spontaneous expression of anger is normally destructive and abusive.

III. Analyze your anger – Perhaps keep an anger journal to use to process your anger

Who or what has made you angry? What are my triggers?
Is this an issue over which you want to lose your cool and need to lose your cool for the good of everyone?
What is behind the anger? Is it frustration, fear, confusion, or a sense of needing to right an injustice
Is the intensity of your anger consistent with the cause of your anger? Are you angrier than the circumstances are justifying? What could be the reason for this?



IV. Give yourself three options and consider the short term and long term consequences of each.

Options
Short Term
Long Term
Let it pass – Love covers a multitude of sins – Not worth the energy and time. In prayer give it over to God to make right.


Respond with a forceful, elevated, but controlled anger
- The aim here is to stop abuse for everyone and gain a space where better solutions can be found.


Walk away to pause, process, and plan a response. Organize a safe and secure way to communicate your pain and the reason you were angry with the person who triggered it. In prayer ask for wisdom on how to express your hurt. Seek wise counsel if the issue is very difficult and complex.




V. Now respond in what you have considered to be the long term good of you and the other person. Respond as a reasonable, mature, and controlled adult. Be your most mature self in this situation.

VI. Remember that you acting as a mature adult does not control the other person. Each person is 100% responsible for how they speak and act. You may properly respond to this hurtful situation and the other person may continue to act in an abusive manner and even attack you for being healthy and mature. Do not allow the other person to tempt you to relapse into an abusive expression of anger. You win to the degree you act in a sane, stable, and spiritual manner regardless of how the other person reacts.

VII. Reward yourself for acting as a mature adult and expressing your anger in a healthy manner.

[1] This material is copyrighted and can only be used with the permission of the author. All rights are reserved.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

New Classes Starting


Call 954-452-4407 Today! We havText Colore many new classes beginning right now. Also ask about our January classes. Now is a good time to change directions and gain the skills needed to win at life!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Family Life Skills Phase II


We are now offerring for graduates of Family Life Skills the "Phase II" class. This will be taught by Dr. Norman R. Wise. Each class will set its own priorities and agenda so that the individuals will gain the most in their desire to master the skills they were taught in Family Life Skills (Phase I). Call Janet at 954-452-4407 to get more details.

Winning At Life Class Begins January 4th 2009



Based on thirty years of thinking, processing, living, recovering, praying, and study the “Winning At Life” class has been designed to help you develop a sane, stable, and spiritual lifestyle. The format of this program will be short 15 minute “Sanity Checks” which will be followed by a dialogue and process by which each participant can take that moment of clarity and work it into their lives. The aim is true life transformation and not just information. The class will can have men and women in it but will be limited to 15. Call 954-452-4407 for to sign up.