The Process of Healthy Expression of Anger by Dr. Norman R. Wise[1]
Goal: Learning to Express My Anger in a Mature Adult Manner & how to handle other people when they express their anger in an immature manner.
FOUNDATION: I want to use my anger in a mature and healthy way and do not want to abuse or be abused by anyone else. I value being healthy more than I value winning in the short term.
Step One: Know Your Anger & Keep Your Cool
1. Catch yourself at the early stages of Anger – BUILD AN INTERNAL RADAR.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 1-3 you’re irritated and need to take a pause to gain focus and control. THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO CONTROL AND GUIDE YOUR ANGER.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 4-6 you’re mad and in danger of thinking illogically and acting impulsively. STOP! GET TO A REST ROOM – WALK OUTSIDE – DO NOT CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION OR INTERACTION. BAD THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET WORST.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 7 to 10 it means you are in a rage. There is great danger that you will hurt yourself or others physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually, or religiously. STOP! STOP! STOP! – CALL YOUR SPONSER- DRIVE TO A CHURCH AND PRAY-GO TO A STARBUCKS- GET OUT OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND END WHATEVER IS MOTIVATING YOU TO CHOOSE TO GET ANGRY. STOP! STOP! STOP!
II. Keep yourself from reacting immediately in anger and give yourself time to think and relax. Few situations require immediate and thoughtless action or words. Slow down your reaction time. Spontaneous expression of anger is normally destructive and abusive.
III. Analyze your anger – Perhaps keep an anger journal to use to process your anger
Who or what has made you angry? What are my triggers?
Is this an issue over which you want to lose your cool and need to lose your cool for the good of everyone?
What is behind the anger? Is it frustration, fear, confusion, or a sense of needing to right an injustice
Is the intensity of your anger consistent with the cause of your anger? Are you angrier than the circumstances are justifying? What could be the reason for this?
IV. Give yourself three options and consider the short term and long term consequences of each.
Options
Short Term
Long Term
Let it pass – Love covers a multitude of sins – Not worth the energy and time. In prayer give it over to God to make right.
Respond with a forceful, elevated, but controlled anger
- The aim here is to stop abuse for everyone and gain a space where better solutions can be found.
Walk away to pause, process, and plan a response. Organize a safe and secure way to communicate your pain and the reason you were angry with the person who triggered it. In prayer ask for wisdom on how to express your hurt. Seek wise counsel if the issue is very difficult and complex.
V. Now respond in what you have considered to be the long term good of you and the other person. Respond as a reasonable, mature, and controlled adult. Be your most mature self in this situation.
VI. Remember that you acting as a mature adult does not control the other person. Each person is 100% responsible for how they speak and act. You may properly respond to this hurtful situation and the other person may continue to act in an abusive manner and even attack you for being healthy and mature. Do not allow the other person to tempt you to relapse into an abusive expression of anger. You win to the degree you act in a sane, stable, and spiritual manner regardless of how the other person reacts.
VII. Reward yourself for acting as a mature adult and expressing your anger in a healthy manner.
[1] This material is copyrighted and can only be used with the permission of the author. All rights are reserved.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
How to express your anger in a healthy way
The Process of Healthy Expression of Anger by Dr. Norman R. Wise[1]
Goal: Learning to Express My Anger in a Mature Adult Manner & how to handle other people when they express their anger in an immature manner.
FOUNDATION: I want to use my anger in a mature and healthy way and do not want to abuse or be abused by anyone else. I value being healthy more than I value winning in the short term.
Step One: Know Your Anger & Keep Your Cool
1. Catch yourself at the early stages of Anger – BUILD AN INTERNAL RADAR.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 1-3 you’re irritated and need to take a pause to gain focus and control. THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO CONTROL AND GUIDE YOUR ANGER.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 4-6 you’re mad and in danger of thinking illogically and acting impulsively. STOP! GET TO A REST ROOM – WALK OUTSIDE – DO NOT CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION OR INTERACTION. BAD THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET WORST.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 7 to 10 it means you are in a rage. There is great danger that you will hurt yourself or others physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually, or religiously. STOP! STOP! STOP! – CALL YOUR SPONSER- DRIVE TO A CHURCH AND PRAY-GO TO A STARBUCKS- GET OUT OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND END WHATEVER IS MOTIVATING YOU TO CHOOSE TO GET ANGRY. STOP! STOP! STOP!
II. Keep yourself from reacting immediately in anger and give yourself time to think and relax. Few situations require immediate and thoughtless action or words. Slow down your reaction time. Spontaneous expression of anger is normally destructive and abusive.
III. Analyze your anger – Perhaps keep an anger journal to use to process your anger
Who or what has made you angry? What are my triggers?
Is this an issue over which you want to lose your cool and need to lose your cool for the good of everyone?
What is behind the anger? Is it frustration, fear, confusion, or a sense of needing to right an injustice
Is the intensity of your anger consistent with the cause of your anger? Are you angrier than the circumstances are justifying? What could be the reason for this?
IV. Give yourself three options and consider the short term and long term consequences of each.
Options
Short Term
Long Term
Let it pass – Love covers a multitude of sins – Not worth the energy and time. In prayer give it over to God to make right.
Respond with a forceful, elevated, but controlled anger
- The aim here is to stop abuse for everyone and gain a space where better solutions can be found.
Walk away to pause, process, and plan a response. Organize a safe and secure way to communicate your pain and the reason you were angry with the person who triggered it. In prayer ask for wisdom on how to express your hurt. Seek wise counsel if the issue is very difficult and complex.
V. Now respond in what you have considered to be the long term good of you and the other person. Respond as a reasonable, mature, and controlled adult. Be your most mature self in this situation.
VI. Remember that you acting as a mature adult does not control the other person. Each person is 100% responsible for how they speak and act. You may properly respond to this hurtful situation and the other person may continue to act in an abusive manner and even attack you for being healthy and mature. Do not allow the other person to tempt you to relapse into an abusive expression of anger. You win to the degree you act in a sane, stable, and spiritual manner regardless of how the other person reacts.
VII. Reward yourself for acting as a mature adult and expressing your anger in a healthy manner.
[1] This material is copyrighted and can only be used with the permission of the author. All rights are reserved.
Goal: Learning to Express My Anger in a Mature Adult Manner & how to handle other people when they express their anger in an immature manner.
FOUNDATION: I want to use my anger in a mature and healthy way and do not want to abuse or be abused by anyone else. I value being healthy more than I value winning in the short term.
Step One: Know Your Anger & Keep Your Cool
1. Catch yourself at the early stages of Anger – BUILD AN INTERNAL RADAR.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 1-3 you’re irritated and need to take a pause to gain focus and control. THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO CONTROL AND GUIDE YOUR ANGER.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 4-6 you’re mad and in danger of thinking illogically and acting impulsively. STOP! GET TO A REST ROOM – WALK OUTSIDE – DO NOT CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION OR INTERACTION. BAD THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET WORST.
If your anger would rate on a scale from 7 to 10 it means you are in a rage. There is great danger that you will hurt yourself or others physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually, or religiously. STOP! STOP! STOP! – CALL YOUR SPONSER- DRIVE TO A CHURCH AND PRAY-GO TO A STARBUCKS- GET OUT OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND END WHATEVER IS MOTIVATING YOU TO CHOOSE TO GET ANGRY. STOP! STOP! STOP!
II. Keep yourself from reacting immediately in anger and give yourself time to think and relax. Few situations require immediate and thoughtless action or words. Slow down your reaction time. Spontaneous expression of anger is normally destructive and abusive.
III. Analyze your anger – Perhaps keep an anger journal to use to process your anger
Who or what has made you angry? What are my triggers?
Is this an issue over which you want to lose your cool and need to lose your cool for the good of everyone?
What is behind the anger? Is it frustration, fear, confusion, or a sense of needing to right an injustice
Is the intensity of your anger consistent with the cause of your anger? Are you angrier than the circumstances are justifying? What could be the reason for this?
IV. Give yourself three options and consider the short term and long term consequences of each.
Options
Short Term
Long Term
Let it pass – Love covers a multitude of sins – Not worth the energy and time. In prayer give it over to God to make right.
Respond with a forceful, elevated, but controlled anger
- The aim here is to stop abuse for everyone and gain a space where better solutions can be found.
Walk away to pause, process, and plan a response. Organize a safe and secure way to communicate your pain and the reason you were angry with the person who triggered it. In prayer ask for wisdom on how to express your hurt. Seek wise counsel if the issue is very difficult and complex.
V. Now respond in what you have considered to be the long term good of you and the other person. Respond as a reasonable, mature, and controlled adult. Be your most mature self in this situation.
VI. Remember that you acting as a mature adult does not control the other person. Each person is 100% responsible for how they speak and act. You may properly respond to this hurtful situation and the other person may continue to act in an abusive manner and even attack you for being healthy and mature. Do not allow the other person to tempt you to relapse into an abusive expression of anger. You win to the degree you act in a sane, stable, and spiritual manner regardless of how the other person reacts.
VII. Reward yourself for acting as a mature adult and expressing your anger in a healthy manner.
[1] This material is copyrighted and can only be used with the permission of the author. All rights are reserved.
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