Gravity works

Gravity Works
One of the hardest realities we have to face is that we are not above the rules that are set into the very structure of life. There are principles which no one can escape. Wisdom is being careful to live within the framework of these principles. Folly is when I believe; I can break the rules and use that to my advantage.
We seek happiness. Vice historically has been understood as the unhealthy, insane, and short road to happiness. Vices bring pleasure instantly. Surely, happiness will be found by maximizing pleasure. So as the vices produce pleasure, we feel that we will achieve being happy, and this leads us back to practice the vice once more. This cycle becomes addictive.
Vices have the ability to trigger the pleasure part of our brain easily and effectively. In this way of looking at things “vice” is cheap. But there is always a cost to vice. Addicts make bad spouses and parents. Over the long haul most vices take a toll on our bodies. If we devote ourselves to finding pleasure in all the wrong places we will normally find ourselves isolated, alone, and rejected as we face death.
But how else will we find happiness? If happiness is not found in “vice” then where is it found? Historically the answer to this question has been virtue. Virtue was understood as the healthy, sane, and long road to happiness. Virtue is living a life by figuring out what reality is and then adapting to it. It is striving to be free of illusion and denial.
The most significant transforming moment in a person’s life is when they lose faith in “Vice” and we come to believe that true and long lasting happiness will be found in living a life of virtue in accordance with the principles of life woven into the very fabric of our beings. We decide to not try to “cheat” at life to win but instead decide to strive within the confines of the “rules.”
We believe and accept that gravity works.

Merry Christmas for all the sad people

You may be feeling very sad today. It is OK to feel sad on Christmas eve. God is OK with that.

He understands how living in a broken world can cause sadness. He came to live with you in the broken world. To share in it and to know it on an intimate level. He understands being abused, rejected, slandered, neglected, and hated. He has cried about all those realities and He has suffered all those realities.

One of the wonderful realities of Christmas is that in the person of Messiah Jesus, God is now with us. He is not watching us from a safe distance in heaven. He came to be with us in our pain, sorrow, confusion, loss, and hurt. He embraces us in our brokenness. He is not ashamed to be in a relationship with us even though everything is dark and polluted in our lives. He touches us where we are.

So even as you feel sad this holiday. Understand that God is with you in your sorrow and understands your sadness. He is embracing you with unconditional love and is fully committed to never leaving you. Live in that reality.

Merry Christmas

Sanity 101

To say no to illusions is hard. Illusion often feel better than reality. But when one depends on an illusion to be real that is when the real pain comes. That is when we feel our worlds collapse.

For this reason one must have a commitment to the real world. To seek to know and accept what really exists and not the dreams that we would wish exist. We must have expectations based on what actually does exist.

Yet, we need to be careful to not limit reality. If we do we may never invent airplanes or computers. Sometimes our vision of what is real is far to small. There is greater potential in reality than some of us would ever dream.

So part of being sane is to open to all that is real and strive to discern what is from what is illusion. We must get rid of illusionarythinking and strive for realistic thinking. But we must in this process remember that reality has great God given potentials beyond what we would normally think. Therefore part of facing reality is to be creative and imaginative in our search for what actually exists.

Holiday happiness

How to deal with the holiday blues

1. Recognize that they will be over very soon

2. Remember that the people wishing you "Happy Holidays" really do for the most part want you to know happiness during this season. You may not be able to be happy but to have people wishing you blessing is never bad.

3. Take time to look at the cup half full. Make a list of what you do have. Keep yourself from denying the good that is in your life.

4. Choose to do one act of kindness for someone regardless of how you feel.

5. Give yourself the right to grieve your losses in the security that God embraces you in His love which is found in Messiah Jesus.

Remember: blessed are all those who mourn for they will be comforted.

Holiday Blues

How does one deal with the Holiday blues? To be depressed and disappointed when the rest of the world seems filled with joy and excitement is one of the most difficult experiences to have in our lives. Yet, every holiday there are tens of millions of people that find the holidays a difficult struggle and rejoice when they are over because they know that inwardly they are not filling happiness but instead sadness.

There are many reasons for the holiday blues. The holidays can force us to face the fact that we are in real financial trouble and cannot give the gifts we would like unless we want to add to our already over burdened credit card debt. For others this season is mixed with the loss of a loved one. Perhaps this Christmas will be the first one where that person is not around the table. Their loss is felt deeply and their contribution to the dynamics of the family is experienced. Sometimes the holidays force us to face the fact our family is split, divided, and alienated. We are alone not because of death but because of conflict. The New Year might just remind us that we enter it without any hope of our dreams being reached and the sense that our visions have died. We do not enter the new year with goals but with fear of losing what little we have left. All of these factors and many others can make the holidays a crisis of soul.

How do we fight the holiday blue? First to remember that the real message of the holidays is about God's undonditional love for us in the middle of our struggles. God did not come to seek the happy but the helpless in the Messiah Jesus. Therefore, if we are feeling hopeless and helpless we are the very ones for whom Messiah Jesus came. He said only the sick need Him. If we confess that our soul is sick then we are qualified to have Messiah Jesus give us some of His joy freely. Maybe we need to allow ourselves to really listen to the message of the Chirstmas carols. They are not about how life is great, they are about how God loves us in our difficult and struggling lives. How God has decided to forgive our failures and give us paridise as a gift paid for by the death of His Messiah Son Jesus. The Holidays are Holy Days because they remind us of good news intended for those who feel poor in spirit. Maybe those who are not confessing their spiritual poverty are really the ones out of touch with the spirit of the season. Maybe in our struggle and pain we are the ones most ready to hear the wonder of God's love and be touched by His grace.

Second, just decide to not be rushed or pressurred into doing more than your soul can take. Seek to have a meditative and quiet time. Seek fellowship with people who are safe. If you are emotionally fed by being alone then give yourself some thoughtful walks and take time to journal. If being around people helps you then most churches will be having events that allows you to have a spiritual family even if your physical family is not able to be with you.

Third this may be the time to find a counselor, coach, or spiritual director. Out of the ashes of the past you can decide to reframe and renew a search for answers. Out of the hope of the holidays you can decide to respond with new hope. If you need comfort for a loss, now is the time to begin a journey of healing and if despair had dominated your life, now is the time to seek hope. The holidays are a problem but they are also a potential.

I hope that you will feel the presence of the God who loves you more than your wildest dreams of God's love. Even if you are angry with God, He is loving you. God loves His enemies. He understands your pain better than anyone else. He understands you better than anyone else. He is inside your mind and heart. Your soul is naked before God. He embraces you in Christ. In that embrace is healing. Open your heart to that comforting embrace this holiday season.

What legacy will you leave?

On the one hand life is very unpredictable. On the other hand we know the book ends well. We were born and we will die. When we die we cannot take with us the power, fame, or success we gained.

We know that before death we will have days of joy and days of sadness. We will have days of health and days of sickness. For some of us we may face daily physical pain. For others we will have to be the friends and family of those who suffer. Life is tough. No one is ever beyond having their world rocked. As I hear and pray for Tiger Wood who would have predicted that his world was so fragile. Yet,all of our worlds are fragile.

This week a good friend died. He was a man of faith in Christ and left a legacy of eternal hope to his friends and family. He was a man who shared with me his wisdom, his love, and his support. I have rarely seen a man of such consistent character. He was a real inspiration to me.

Several years back he suddenly was diagnosed with a brain tumor. This would cause a huge change in his life and abilities. A man who had hardly ever been sick was now handicapped. His life which had reflected such success on every level was now shaken. Yet, his faith remained firm. He had peace in his hard journey. That was also an inspiration to me.

It is important that we have realistic expectations about life. It will be hard. it is always fragile. For Christians who believe in the life to come this reality is balanced with a promise that eternity will be greater than our best expectations. Faith in the God of grace allows us to rest in the idea that all the pain has purpose and will end in eternity, replaced by perfect pleasure forever. What we can do is take time to look for and find the positive realities that are also in life and know that our responses to difficult circumstances is the only legacy that will really last. Like my friend, his faithfulness under struggles, has left me more than any other gift he could have given me.

What legacy will you leave?

Seeking a postive attitude in a painful world

Everyone knows that positive thinking is better for us mentally, emotionally, and physically than being negative. There is real power in positive thinking. No one really doubts this.

The problem is how can one be positive when the facts of life seem so negative? How can one have a positive attitude when so many painful and disappointing events occur? Without losing touch with reality, how exactly can we keep a positive attitude?

To do this we must come to a deep conviction and insight about three ideas.

1. God has given meaning to our lives under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones.

2. There is purpose in all pain. Not one moment of suffering is unnecessary to fulfill our God given meaning and destiny. There was no way for us to achieve our end without suffering. Life is like pregnancy, it is a painful process but the end result is worth the discomfort.

3. We have the responsibility to interpret life from the perspective of faith that seeks to comprehend God's meaning and purpose for our lives in every event.


To have a positive attitude is not to deny the pain of our lives. It is to seek the silver lining in the storm clouds. It is to look for the half of the glass that is full while not denying the half that is empty. It is believing that even our failures and mistakes are ultimately not powerful enough to keep us from reaching God's original plan for our lives. It is trusting in God's purpose and plan and seeking to accept it by faith.

We must believe that God exists and that God rewards those who seek for HIM.

So can we develop a positive attitude in a painful world without denying the reality of pain and suffering. But it depends on us viewing the pain and suffering in a different light.

Rom 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

The 100% Rule

One of the first things we must work thru in our souls and minds is the idea that we are 100% responsible for our words, actions, and attitudes. We cannot blame what we say, what we do, or our general emotional health on our family, our spouse, our children, the government, our circumstances, or the culture. The one and only thing we have control over is ourselves.

Now we are not responsible for other people's words, actions, or attitudes. A friend of mine was deeply hurt by the rude actions and words of another. Part of that hurt was because they felt that they could have prevented the rudeness of this person if they had done better in some way. That if they had only done "better" they would be able to protected from people being rude to them. This is an illusion. No one is protected from the hurthful words, actions, and attitudes of others.

We also do not control circumstances of life. We cannot determine ahead of time that people will buy our product or respond to our sales pitch. We can plan for an emotionally bonding time with another person only to see our plan fail. Every goal must be held losely for they are never totally under our control.

However, what we do have control over is ourselves. We can decide to respond to the circumstances with either sane, stable, and spiritual words and actions or react in insane and unstable ways. Now a crazy reaction may be easier than a sane response. But we have the ability to choose between the two.

Now part of what we control is the story we tell about our circumstances. The story we tell ourselves helps us to determine what response seems reasonable to what we are experiencing. The following example is given by Viktor Frankl.


"Once, an elderly general practitioner consulted me because of his severe depression. He could not overcome the loss of his wife who had died two years before and whom he had loved above all else. Now how could I help him? What should I tell him? I refrained from telling him anything, but instead confronted him with a question, "What would have happened, Doctor, if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?:" "Oh," he said, "for her this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!" Whereupon I replied, "You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been spared her, and it is you who have spared her this suffering; but now, you have to pay for it by surviving and mourning her." He said no word but shook my hand and calmly left the office." (^ Frankl, Viktor (1959). Man's Search for Meaning. Boston, Massachusetts: Beacon Press. pp. 178-179. ISBN 0807014265)

We are not in control of when our loved ones will die. We are in control of how we will respond and interpret their death. We can decide to pray and seek to gain spiritual strength or we can decide to not pray in an act of self reliance or despair. These choices are not made by the circumstances but instead are made by us.

So while it can seem easier to blame all of our actions, words, and attitudes on others it really leaves us without any power. So while it is hard to have responsibility it is our primary freedom.

What is depression?

The other day I was thinking about depression. As one who has struggled with depression and one who has helped people struggle with the feelings of depression, the issue is one of interest and concern for me. Depression is a serious problem.

Now there is biological depression and psychological depression. These two can interact and impact each other. There are times when we need to seek medical help to overcome biological depression. What I am focused on today is psychological depression. It can create and increase biological depression in some people. So to overcome psychological depression can be a great help.

As I was thinking about depression it came to me that it reflects a total lack of motivation. I was reading some articles on motivation and one of the key things that motivates us is the belief that our competence and character will matter in what we achieve in life. When people or cultures come to believe that their competence and character do not matter and that their destiny are governed by "chance" or "luck" then their motivation to have great competence or praise worthy character declines. Helpless people lack motivation and are depressed.

The depressed person feels that their character and competence will not save them. They feel destined to defeat in what matter to them. So why get out of bed? Why put in the energy? Where does one find energy when one feels that the effort is hopeless? Depression is for many people the logical emotion for the prophecy they have set over their lives. When we are depressed we say to ourselves " I will lose" and therefore our motivation to run the race of life comes to an end. We stop running. Why try?

It is interesting in a race and especially a marathon that most of the runners know early on that they will not be the first one across the finish line. If the only definition of success was to finish first then all but two or three of the runners could just stop running at about the second mile. In fact most of the runners know that the odds of them winning the race by being "number one" are slight if not zero. Then why do they run? They have defined "success" as the act of running and this gives them an internal reward when they do their best. These runners run not to be the first across the finish line or to have their names in the paper. These people run because they see the value of running.

I think that to defeat depression we need to have a personal awakening in which we change the rules we live by and see the value of the journey of life. We need to see that being a person who has maximized their personal competence and character has its own intrinsic value regardless of what it produces in outward change of our circumstances. To strive for this goal to be our personal best is an on going process day by day. Winning it to try.

It does in fact matter to God that we reflect the character of Christ Jesus. He just wants us to try to follow the Messiah. God the Father will forgive us our failures and strengthen our hearts. We really are actors before an audience of one. Due to God's great grace in dying for our sins in the death of Messiah Jesus we are not accepted and adopted by God the Father. We receive a standing ovation from the heavenly Father when we strive to walk the life of faith. Regardless of the circumstances or the criticisms of other people, our striving to maximize our competence and character to give glory to Messiah Jesus for dying for our sins is appreciated by God and gives the heavenly Father joy. We are winning when as we strive to live sane, stable, and spiritual lives.

So to overcome depression we have to find a new source of motivation. The story we have been telling ourselves in which we define ourselves as losers has to be silenced. We have to find a new life story. A story that makes sense of our struggles. I would recommend the story of God's love in Jesus the Messiah. This true story above all others can heal the soul and help us in our fight against depression.